Lets paint the town red
Or if you see more fit- blue
I’m here all alone
Thinking about you.
A pain in my heart
Creeps up time to time
If you’re still out there
Please give me a sign.
I can’t help but think
That I did something wrong
I sit and I drink
While I conjure up songs.
You pop into my head
And I can’t help but smile
But you left me because
Of our miscarried child.
I wrote this article about birth control and it made a lot of people mad. Read it.
I wrote this article about Snoop Lion AKA Snoop Dogg for Absolute Rights. Check it out!
I wrote this article about the political themes in BioShock Infinite for Absolute Rights. Check it out!
The hostess made steak for her Muslim friend
and pork for her Hindu friend.
She grilled a portobello mushroom for her vegetarian friend
and baked bread for vegan friend.
She made fruit salad for her gluten intolerant friend
and a chicken breast for her diabetic friend.
She made nothing for herself
because her friends are a drag.
He wore an orange shirt-
because she had once said it looked good.
He wore orange socks-
because she said they gave his feet more character.
He drove an orange car-
because when they went to the dealership, she marveled at how it glowed in the sunlight.
He bought a black tie-
because she left him for his best friend and he fucking hates orange.
On my back porch
Drinking bourbon
I spot a stork
Wearing a turban
I ask him
“Is it warm for you today?
He just says “No”
Then flies away.
I think to myself
While drinking my bourbon,
That stork kind of sounded
Just like Karl Urban.
I walked to the spot
Where the stork had landed.
He had shit in my yard-
I’m buying a gun, god damn it.
She inhales from her pipe
And pulls on her hair
And walks to the door
And walks down the stairs
Down on the street
She sees her friend Seth
She calls out aloud
“Hey- Wanna score meth?”
He looks at her
She glances back
He shrugs his shoulders
And says, “What the heck?”
They walk to the dealer
And knock on the door
It opens, an eye peers out, and says
“What’re you here for?”
She scratches her face and says
“Crank, if you please.”
He laughs and asks, “How much?”
She replies, “Um, three g’s?”
Seth stares in horror
And screams- “Are you crazy?”
“Three g’s for us both!?!”
“My habit demands four g’s daily!!!”
The dealer, he smiles,
And opens the door.
He invites Seth in and then adds
“Not you, whore.”
Out on the street
It begins to rain.
She twitches and gasps-
She needs ice in her veins.
She sneaks around back
And climbs in through a window.
From the other room the dealer exclaims
“Did you hear something, bro?”
Seth and the dealer
Run in to the room
The dealer, now holding a gun, shouts,
“Get out bitch- I’ll make this house your tomb.”
She starts to cry
And she drops to her knees.
“I don’t want any trouble”
“Just give me meth, please.”
The dealer smiles
And uncocks his piece.
He holds out his hand and says,
“If you please.”
She gets off the ground
And he throws her a baggie.
She gives him a peck on the cheek
And says, “Thank you, daddy.”
The cat takes a step forward
It takes a step back
It slips on its paw
and falls off of the ledge.
It lands on the floor
and bumps its head.
It searches for milk
It finds it anon
The succulent dairy treat
Makes him feel calm.
A lady in a dress
Had large breasts-
I was taking a test
I did not do my best.
She was the proctor
and I said, “Miss, please,
I think you need a doctor
For those Double D’s.”
She looked at me coyly
And said, “Thank you, bro.
I’m glad you enjoy me,
But it’s time to go.”
I stood up slowly,
My head hung low,
But then I perked up and said
“Hey, don’t call me bro.”
The chicken needed cayenne pepper
To bring the flavor out
The chef, I think, was a leper
He just said, “Hear me out,”
“I’ll cook you this chicken,
I’ll make it taste great,
It’ll be finger-licking,”
And I replied, “Great.”
He rolled up his sleeve
And his finger fell off.
I stood up from my chair
And declared-
“Let’s order takeout.”
The table was black
The table was round
Her words had meaning
Her meaning was sound
The gunshot rang loudly
The gunshot was clear
I stood close to the gun
And now I can’t hear.
The other day I saw a model
With the body of a water bottle.
She was skinny on top,
Round in the middle,
a curve to the waist,
with an ass she could wiggle.
She walked by me slowly
I only said “Hi.”
She replied, “Fuck you,”
And I hoped that she’d die.
And she did.
I grew a beard
I shaved it off
I ate a steak
Then threw it up
I drank some whiskey
to rinse my mouth
Got in my car
and drove due south
Past mile marker 22
Is where I fell in love with you
On the side of the road
You sat on bags
And chewed on gum
You looked upset
And kind of glum
Your hair was messy
Your clothes were ripped
I asked “You fell?”
You said, “I tripped”
I said, “Those things are the same”
You said, “You’re not my dad- quit being lame”
I said, “Whoa, let’s slow things down”
You said, “Put yourself in my mouth”
I said, “Please stand up; let’s drive south”
You ripped off your shirt and screamed
“Please me, daddy!”
I got in my car and yelled “You’re batty!”
I locked the doors
And started the car
I floored the gas
But did not get far
You jumped on the hood
Pants ‘round your ankles
I thought This isn’t good-
I’d like to spank her
This change of heart
Left you deflowered*
What a way to spend an hour.
* - Not in the eyes of god, but in my self obsessed ones.
I never had a Game Boy-
I used to just read books
Now all my friends like blogging
and I just like to cook.
Dependence on technology
is kinda weird and scary.
If you watch YouTube too much
You’ll have eyes like Jim Carrey.
I’m not a religious man
I’ll tell you more later
But nothing’s more delicious
Than minced communion wafers.
That’s stupid.
This is a letter I wrote for Absolute Rights. Read it, Love it, Share it.
I wrote this article for Absolute Rights. Read it, let me know what you think, and spread it like malnutrition in an orphanage.
Today I feel fashionable
My pants are somewhat tight
My hoodie goes down to my ass
My shoelaces are bright.
I’m wearing platinum rings
And a bracelet made of gold.
All the kids will respect me.
… Fuck, I’m getting old.
There was a kid in class today
Who was not fond of Gypsies.
The racial epithets he spat
Hurt me in my kidneys.
